I was reminded by a friend (hi Julie!) about my encounter with two lesbians from afar a couple of months ago and, upon popular request, I link that entry here. However, this also provides me with an opportunity to talk about sexuality and gaming. Plus, nothing gets the readership hot and excited like sex!
We watch it, we listen to it, and, on occasion, we even do it (heh!), but sex has been something of a taboo subject in RPGs for a while. Most GMs leave it at “they kiss, fade to black,” hand-waving what could arguably be one of the most important facets of interpersonal relationships and self-awareness: Good old sex!
Does sex have a place at (or on) the gaming table? Well, if you group is mature enough, I’d say yes. There’s nothing wrong with a little sex between friends, especially if it helps further define characters and/or their relationships. Just saying you “love” that NPC isn’t as quite as emotionally engaging as actually having taken part in some role-play of that relationship. Now, just to be clear, this can be as simple as a romantic dinner, a suggestive conversation, or even hitting on the target of one’s affection. Role-playing sex doesn’t necessarily mean describing what goes on under the sheets or making a Constitution check to see how long you “do it.”
Intimacy is perhaps one of the most challenging and rewarding aspects of role-playing to do effectively and tastefully.
Some games tackle sex with mechanics. There’s your basic Charisma score, of course, but then there are also games with “Attractive Appearance” or “Sensuality” (Top Secret/S.I.) ratings. The James Bond RPG by Victory Games had a groundbreaking seduction chart that you could use to target your unwilling victim. (My favorite, the final step being called “Where and When?”)
Other games, such as Eden’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer RPG take it a little further, having drawbacks such as “Tragic Love” or even gaining points for being a “Minority,” such as a gay, Jewish, Wicca.
Of course, for every game that does it tastefully, we have The Game That Shall Not Be Named and The Book of Erotic Fantasy. The former is simply crap and the latter pandering for horny eightteen year olds.
For my part, I try to incorporate sex into my games, to lend an additional air of “realism” to the setting. However, that only works in certain groups for obvious reasons. In Marvel Super Heroes my character eventually married another PC and we had twins. A whole series of plot complications arose from our relationship with one another. More recently, in my Stargate SG-4 game, we had a character bouncing back from a bad relationship who, shall we say, decided to try the other team? Off-color lesbian jokes aside — along with Jaben’s impersonation — that led some really nice interaction between PC and NPC and reared its head in a couple of episodes to lend some romantic tension.
So you prudes, grab your dice and start having some sex in your games! I’m in Utah — what’s your excuse?
I don’t have anything to add, except to say that I like this post, and I wish this kind of coverage appeared in more games.
Fair points all, and in the main, I totally agree. I game with a small group of mature players–meaning they are adults, at least in terms of their attitudes and responsibilities–and we approach the table to have fun, but to tell the best story/game we can collaboratively. Some of the characters have sex, and that is part of our gaming.
I do take issue with the assessment that the Book of Erotic Fantasy was pandering; while it may be a failed experiment in the attempt to approach the topic maturely, I do not think it panders–like almost every supplement we use, there are take-it or leave-it elements to be found, some of them more useful than others. My group has actually found some pertinent and useful stuff in BoEF, as opposed to, say the online UCK supplement and similar books.
Genre has a lot to do with sexual story threads in a game.
D&D, with its episodic style and tactical origins doesn’t lend itself to an easy transition to mature relationships. IMHO.
I like the examples you use.
And several links here:
http://www.skyseastone.net/itsog/shadows/000819.html
Tremendous
I have to agree while disagreeing. While the resons you cite above are sound and your thinking correct there is the matter that sex and to a lesser extent, romantic episodes of all sorts are NOT spectator sports. I certainly kiss, hug and snuggle with my wife while our friends are over, but I rarely have suggestive conversations with her in public and we certainly never have sex while others are present. I have to assume that romantic and sexual acts in game are pretty much the same thing. While some level of them makes sense and should be freely roleplayed (characters in my groups often hit on or make passes at, make plans to be involved with etc… NPCs and other players) other aspects are more private and if they need to be roleplayed outside of a player’s own mind at all, they need to be done in privacy. In the same fashion that the DM takes a player aside and tells them what the “mysterious old man” says to them in the alley and it’s up to them to decide how exactly to present this information to the group, perhaps omiting or altering some of it to better serve their own personal agenda, so should most serious romantic or sexual interludes. How my player conveys exactly where he was last night to the rest of his adventuring party says a lot about his character as well as speaking volumes to the other character he was with.
In short, if you’d do it in real life in front of your friends i heartily agree with you. If you wouldn’t, it requires similarly delicate treatment in an RPG.
I’m not convinced sexuality belongs at the game table, and prefer it not manifest in any game I’m in.
We’re talking about gaming, not theater. If a player wants to explore their sensual side, there are other, better avenues for that.
There are certain exceptions. If the PC needs to seduce someone for an item/information/plot device, that’s one thing… but I still favor the “you kiss — fade to black” game mechanic.
Also, there is a difference between in game romance and sexuality. If a player wants to roleplay Cyrano Debergerac-style romantic expressions (poetry, sonnets, professing courtly love from below “Juliet’s balcony”), more power to them. If they want to then climb up and bed the NPC, they can do so in their imagination.
If the player wants to explore that kind of interaction further, I will refer them to any number of internet chat rooms to get those kinds of jollies. I sure am not interested in facilitating those (even PG-13) interactions as a GM… and I don’t want to be sitting at the table while the GM and/or other players explore those interactions.
As another poster stated, let that happen “off screen”. My character wouldn’t want to be ring side and neither do I.
Lastly, there is another ‘danger’ to this kind of interaction — an “in game” romance between two players/GM may be a “safe” way for them to manifest a Real Life attraction, especially when there are significant other(s) in the picture (but not necessarily at the table).
I *definitely* don’t want to be a part of that. If they have an attraction, they need to address it away from the table and not use the game to facilitate their flirting (and/or prelude to infidelity).
The article falls squarely on the side of doing what’s appropriate for your gaming table; I don’t advocate role-playing sex for the sake of just having sex. I do, however, believe that sexuality within the context of role-playing games is marginalized or outright discouraged.
Ultimately having the discussion of “is or is this not appropriate for our game?” is the real question, and at least THINKING about the role of sexuality in a game is a big step.
I fear too many games ignore the concept entirely and the opportunities that it provides.
And I agree, sex is NOT a spectator sport.